The life of a writer – a constant balance between writing and life, where your creative process makes you feel like an imposter – What could possibly be better?
Have you felt that?
The burning desire inside to put your ideas to paper, but you struggle, mainly because you don’t know what it’s really like?
The good and the bad. It’s a complicated area, but to be honest, a writing journey isn’t all that different from regular life.
Except maybe for the tears, stress, and doubt.
Wait.
That’s just like normal life.
But what makes the life of a writer so special? It’s probably better if I just try to tell you my story and why I’m still going.
Life as a writer: The emotional journey of becoming one
The life of a writer is generally different for everyone.
There are different elements that motivate us to write, and with millions of people doing it, you’d be hard-pressed to find two who approach it the same way.
That’s pretty cool.
I don’t know how different I’m doing things.
But to be honest, this post was created from a place of frustration.
Not because of writing, but because of frustration from the fact that there’s this thing in between our ears, namely our brain, that somehow always seems to work against us.
Photo by hannah grace on Unsplash
I have been writing for just over 3 years and I still see its sharp claws when I sit down to write.
Have I done something to provoke this beast?
Was I a criminal in a past life? Because it’s starting to feel that way.
Anyway, with a bit of superstition and a lot of frustration, how about I take you on a trip through what life as an aspiring writer is like?
Buckle your seatbelt – we’re going on a journey.
The daily writing struggles: Battling burnout and self-Doubt
Every day when I wake up, the first thing I do, apart from putting on clothes and getting breakfast, is to sit down to write.
I get into my comfortable chair, feel the support around my lower back and its soft hands at the base of my neck and then it’s go time.
I burst out the first hour of writing.
Ending on a massive high.
Now this is how the majority of days go, but as of late, it’s been way different.
This thing that was built from a place of love, but actually grew from a place of struggle and hate, has turned into something I can’t really explain.
Maybe a relationship built on need.
Like a young child needs their parents.
Because I don’t want to miss. In fact, I can’t miss my daily writing or else I’ll feel the same pain as when my parents left me in a supermarket store.
What a terrible feeling, right?
And it has made me wonder: “Why now?”
The question propels itself through the chambers inside my brain.
Even now, writing this, I can’t stop asking myself: “Why am I living such a structured life and why can’t I do a thing without questioning else.”
At this point, I have basically removed everything from my life that isn’t writing or reading, and only doing things that enhance my writing.
Which should be a great thing?
I beg to differ.
Or at least my brain does.
Sort of.
Which is kind of weird, since it’s kind of its fault things are this way.
“Why is that Jack?”
Well, I don’t like to admit it and I feel like a club banging on the back of my head.
So please bear with me, but… I..
I don’t have the energy to write for a full day.
The creative energy disappears and I don’t want to feel forced to write.
But since I don’t have the passion to do anything else, I usually end up just doing nothing.
Okay, that line was by my brain.
I do have many passions, but since they aren’t writing, I kind of have to run up a mountain. With a boulder. Weighing about my own weight. Times two.
Terrible – right?
My mission ‘Find a routine’ was successful.
But what was the cost?
Just about everything.
Because if I haven’t achieved my daily goal, then I’m as good as useless.
A fine line between self-doubt and imposter syndrome
“Do I really deserve to be here?”
One of life’s greatest questions.
I ask myself a few times a day and you probably do too.
But it’s such a bitch.
Like you put in effort to be really good and then your brain.
It just decides to be an ass and let self-doubt creep in?
I mean what is that.
Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer.
There have been signs, but I don’t trust them.
I think it might have something to do with success.
Or that’s at least the medicine I give myself to live with the symptoms of this sickness.
There are days where work is great and it’s the muscles in my fingers keeping me back. Yet I still don’t know if what I’m doing is going to make any difference.
Now that’s the good days.
Can you imagine how I feel on the days when it goes bad?
Phew.
That’s like thunder in a silent hill, echoing right through my head.
And a fucking mountain.
“But how do I get rid of it?”
Sorry, if my answer doesn’t satisfy your prayers, but it’s time to get comfortable and accept the frustration.
Accept the long mornings and nights.
Because your hatred for giving up on your dream has to be worse than anything that writing puts your way.
The idea that you know that if you give up on your dream, the negative thoughts will only grow louder and at one point, you won’t be able to live with them.
It needs to be your driving force.
And what else is there to do than put on a costume and pretend like you belong? It’s everything you need until you at least find some success.
Balancing writing and life as a creative
“This takes time, so you better comfortable with the uncomfortable”
The best fucking advice if you ask me – Right?
I don’t remember where I got this from, but it was one of the first thing I met when I decided to become a writer.
I still worked a 9-5 (and still do), I had multiple hobbies, my family and friends.
And now I wanted to plug in writing right next to it.
Talk about a healthy cocktail of burnout.
And I was about to down it.
In an unhealthy amount.
Each and every day.
Before the drink takes hold on me, I just have to backtrack a bit.
I used the previous section bashing the effects structuring has had on my life, but to be fair, they have been a savoir.
Like fireworks, going up in a controlled manner before exploding into a mess of beautiful colors that was basically my life.
I wrote in the morning, went to work with a fake smile for 8 hours before hitting the gym. Arriving home just in time to say hello to family and friends before getting lost in writing, again.
It was magical.
Or could have been.
Because reality was different.
Bad excuses of how I was too tired or idea that spending time doing something unimportant made it impossible for me to balance anything.
And I’d maybe write 3/7 days a week.
Like I get it’s important to spend time with family and friends. It’s important that you prioritize your hobbies (especially if they keep you happy and healthy), but at the end of the day if you want to become a writer, something needs to give.
And if you don’t do it yourself, then writing will do it for you.
The impact writing has had on my routine and habits
Writing pretty much turned my life upside down.
Not because it had to, but because it’s what I wanted it to do.
I wanted to give it my all and as I said earlier, something had to give.
Therefore, the first thing I do in the morning is writing.
(If you’re interesting and don’t know how to start, give me a chance to convince you why 30 minutes is the way to go if you want to become an author.)
It’s the thing I focus about 80% of my free time on.
My family and friends know this.
If they want to spend time with me, they’ll have to schedule way in advance.
Is this amazing? No.
Do I feel like a great guy/son? Absolutely not.
Then why do it?
Because it’s necessary to move this ship closer to shore and I know it’s not forever.
I’m not saying this to scare you away from writing.
In fact, I want you to pursuit your dream.
Scratch that – I don’t just want you to pursuit it, I want you to succeed at it.
And this means preparing you for the storm and give you some real insight into what’s it like without all the money and the frame.
Because trust me: you’ll be here for a while.
And living too close to the fire will eventually lead you to burn out.
And after multiple burn scars, I must admit: there’s nothing pretty about them.
Sure, I have learned to get comfortable and just accept the suck.
But that’s because I know I want to do this full-time, so that I, eventually, can do it part-time.
Now, if you aren’t sure about yourself, then I have one simple recommendation: Give yourself air to breathe.
Set yourself a daily goal, do it, and then allow yourself to rest.
Start slow to go fast, because once you get started then it’s full steam ahead with a single focus: Constantly look for ways to improve.
Constant search for improving as a writer
Okay, I think I’m over the frustration and negative stuff here.
Writing really is great.
It’s a massive sea of opportunities as long as you look for them.
But unfortunately, it’s natural for you to get stuck in your own bubble.
A bubble that limits you to think about yourself. To think that you can’t improve or get any better.
But man, that bubble is such thrash.
I was struck in it for years and I’m here to tell you: if you are serious about becoming a writer, then you need to get out of it.
You need to get out there and search for ways to improve.
Because the truth is:
There’s always something to do.
(Whether it’s learning to structure your stories better or just building a great routine, I written a simple 3 step guide on how you create the best writing system that works for you.)
And if it helps in anyway, I think this is the thing that helped me stay sane in this pursuit of becoming a writer. It helped me keep going whenever I felt my writing didn’t matter or that I sucked.
I know the idea of being a beginner is terrifying, but it’s really not. To constantly be able to improve at everything you do – That’s such a beautiful thing.
And luckily for you, everything you need is out there. You just need to
Search for it.
Read a book.
Talk to people.
Personally, I love to read.
It has improved my vocabulary in ways I never thought, but most importantly, it has helped me find new ways of writing.
Left, right, middle, right, and left again – This is how I started.
It was chaotic, but reading has really helped me find a style I like and now it’s just about slamming the keys until it becomes second nature.
Then it’s onto the next improvement point.
And you know what?
That’s what I like about being a writer.
What it means to be a writer
I might have been a bit negative in the beginning, I’m hoping it didn’t scare you away?
Because it truly wasn’t my intention.
I guess I just was a bit frustrated and I’m sorry if I have made it sound like you won’t enjoy yourself.
Because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Choosing to become a writer is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
It’s a life full of creativity, experiences and a realm of expression you can’t find elsewhere.
Of course, there are struggles, but aren’t there struggles with everything?
And what inspiration would I be if I didn’t tell you the truth?
To be honest, it’s the challenges that make the taste of finishing a project even sweeter.
Sure, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, getting there takes sacrifice.
A sacrifice to your family.
To your friends.
But most importantly, to yourself.
However, this doesn’t mean to destroy your life and relationships, not at all. In fact, it means to find a way you can conquer the path with and then with time, you’ll get there.
The full picture of what it’s like to be a writer
Wins and struggles and a few sacrifices – that’s the life of a writer.
I don’t think I can sum it up in any other way.
It’s a passion that requires you to make a simple routine, put in work every day and suddenly, you’ll wake and see the world laying at your feet.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an oversimplification.
There’ll be tears, anger, excitement, doubt, but most of all, there’ll be a constant thinking about what next.
A constant thinking that’ll push your passion forward at a magical speed while you try to create the best possible project.
And its price?
Persistence and discipline.
Doesn’t that sound magical?
Well, that’s writing to you.
And it’s waiting for you to lead the journey.
That’s a wrap for today.
Why have you decided to become a writer? Have you figured it out or are you still trying to identity your why? Share your story in the comments or send me a mail – I’m here to help.
Until next time – Hope you have a productive and creative day.
Your writing buddy,
Jack